When Lisa and Kat set up the Vaginismus Network, they had one clear goal in mind: to ‘match’ other people with vaginismus, as they understood first-hand just how life-changing it can be to know someone who completely understands what you’re going through. With sheer determination, and little else in terms of a long-term plan, they agreed that, even if they could connect just two people, their job would be done.
Fast forward to 2021 and the Vaginismus Network team (of now 4) have connected hundreds of people with vaginismus worldwide through their buddy system (as it has now come to be known). And two of these lovely people, Julia and Madge, would like to share a bit more about how their lives have changed since meeting one another.
(this also happened to take place in 2020… surely one of the very few positives of the last year?)
Madge
We both reached out to the Vaginismus Network seeking a buddy in the summer of last year. These quotes are direct extracts from our first email exchange:
“I was diagnosed with vaginismus when I was 19 and had a bit of a rough go of it for many different reasons. It was isolating and confusing. I also had experienced a lot of genuinely poor medical and therapeutic advice around it which, needless to say, did not make anything better. I am so happy to have found the Network and connect with others who have experienced similar journeys while managing and/or recovering from the disorder.”- Julia, July 2020
“Vaginismus was introduced to me when I was around 19 also but I did not receive an official diagnosis at the time. Unfortunately, I’ve spent many, many years harbouring it as a shameful secret up until only a couple of months ago. I found the courage to tell my therapist and that ignited me to begin physiotherapy and write a series based on my experience living with the condition. I’m truly in the baby stages of healing with it and it’s still quite a loaded topic for me.”- Madeline, July 2020
Julia is now one of the most important people in my circle. My life is better with her in it. We recently did a podcast where we shared our funniest/most embarrassing vaginismus stories - something I never thought I’d be in a place to do so publicly. I could do it because we had each other. I’m so grateful she’s by my side.
Julia
In a similar sense, I have found so much in my relationship with Madeline. Beyond her warmth, her vibrant energy, and contagious passion, Madeline offered a resource I did not fully understand was so inherently necessary when diagnosed with vaginismus. While I am still learning how to accept it, lean into it, and be more responsive to it, Madeline provided community.
When I met Madeline, a lightbulb went off in my head. Her verbiage in describing the disorder – either in utilising truly illustrative descriptions (“scraping out the inside of a cantaloupe” in reference to the pain of penetration) or just being colloquial in conversation about the difficulties of navigating sexual desire and intimacy – Madeline had me question my isolatory nature as well as why our connection and union was so integral to recovery. The Vaginismus Network acted as a light for someone who did not necessarily know they could not see.
I now know that as much as I want to provide light for others with this disorder, Madeline has provided it for me. Without her this process would be so much more difficult - and for that I am eternal in gratitude and appreciation.
If you’re interested in being connected with another person with vaginismus, please reach out to us at vaginismusnetwork@gmail.com with your DOB, location and how you would like to connect (e.g., email, WhatsApp, Skype, in person (finally – yay!)) and we will do our best to find you your perfect vaginismus buddy.